The most common reason for this is there’s a subconscious investment in “being the competent one”.

My clients are often women who had to be independent from an early age, and who have a very strong and capable “doer” part.

A part is like a sub-personality within each of us that hold emotions, perceptions, and belief systems, and that affect our behaviour and emotional wellness. Parts are either with us from birth (a soul aspect of self like being-ness, space or deep abiding calm) or develop in childhood and through life to help us cope and adapt (like the Strategist, the Rebel, the Pusher, the Critic etc).

So for someone who Needed to be competent and adult before their time, they will often develop this strong part that’s very good at getting things done, taking charge when others cant or wont, removing their own emotionality, supporting others at the expense of themselves and just taking care of business.

This strong part will often squash or deny the more vulnerable needy parts in the person in order to create a feeling of safety. When we are competent and strong, we don’t feel the incredible vulnerability of Having needs and being vulnerable to others’ responses (or lack of responses) to them. This dynamic sets up a struggle between the primary (competent) part and the disowned (vulnerable and needy) part. (To be clear, sometimes a person will have a primary part who is needy and in a victim stance – “I cant do this, I need help” etc, and will repress their inner strength and capacity – we’re just talking about the other version for now).

Clients like this often come to me exhausted and feeling like they’ve managed to do all these amazing things, (and survive incredible hardship) but they feel very sad or lonely or even desperate inside.

When we literally speak to each of the parts in turn, we find the root of the sadness in a disowned part so it can be integrated gracefully into your life. This is super healing and transformative for an over-achiever,.. and also can be very tender and a bit scary because its so new/unknown.

When we do this, rather than running with this hard-edge “I’m fine” attitude, you’ll also have access to the softness in you, and be more open to receiving the love and support you might be craving (which your strong, competent part has been keeping out till now).

This process forms one of the first phases of my Reset Program for exhausted successful women. We meet the parts of you that have been criticizing or pushing you to Just Keep Doing, and invite the other, softer and more connected parts to come forward. We help you create healthy boundaries (around your time, energy and communications), you get core tools so you can manage your emotional, physical and mental state, we heal the core stress drivers stuck in your nervous system (the reasons you cant sleep well or get foggy brained when you’re stressed) and we expand your capacity to hold and feel pleasure as you plan out a new way of doing life.

This is a complete package to walk you from hectic pace to calm and grace It includes 1:1 sessions, group processes, an accountability coach (cause yes, sometimes we do need accountability to do these important, lovely things for ourselves) and unlimited email support over 3.5months (we’ll break over xmas).

This’ll be a match for you if you have achieved success in your external world (business, finances and “achieving” in general) and are over-ready to stop pushing yourself so hard.

Reach out through the contact form if this sounds good for you, I’ll ask you some questions to see if you are a fit and we could begin next week.

We work together for 3 months on the following things:

1. Meeting the critical, comparing voice inside that drives you to be so busy (that show up as endless lists of things to do, or criticisms of how you’re doing based on unrealistic standards). You learn how to reduce the amount of power these parts have in your life and invite other parts of you forwards that know how create the healthy balance and self-love you desire.

2. Creating healthy boundaries with your communications and responsibilities. Many women who’ve been in survival mode’s boundaries are non-existent, rigid or collapsed. This step will help you find what you want and need and give you the tools and safety to express this in a firm and clear way that doesn’t cut people or connection out. This step is about empowering you to stay soft and firm as you build a new way of life. We also focus here on giving you clear structures around self-care, work and personal commitments so your phone and emails don’t intrude, and your family commitments support you rather than drain you.

3. Regulating your nervous system to balance your emotional, physical and mental state. Your nervous system is the source of your automatic and repetitive behaviours, so when you learn how to regulate this primal operating system you create foundational flexibility and responsiveness (as opposed to brittle, reactiveness) and reduce the amount that stress and trauma stays in your body and brain. You also build your ability to feel and experience pleasure and rejuvenation. In this step, we address lingering, unprocessed trauma that may have had you stuck in activated and “on” states or shut down and numb so much of the time.

4. And once we have all these elements in place, we complete the program with practices and processes to help you open to receive pleasure and relaxation in new ways, and design your new life from this newly Reset place.

You get 9 x 1.5hr sessions, 9 x 15min laser coaching calls, homeplay practices and unlimited email contact to help you through the process.

In order to qualify for this offer, you must:

1. Be looking for a pivotal change in the way success looks and feels for you (and ideally be looking for mentoring to help you land more fully in your body and out of your head),

2. Have the capacity to feel your feelings, and have done some reasonably consistent mindfulness processes in your life,

3. Deeply value being a positive impact in your world (even if you don’t have energy to be that now).

4. And not be currently suffering from autoimmune conditions (this method is hugely supportive if you do have autoimmune conditions, but it would likely take longer than 3 months to get you the to results).

The investment for this life changing Reset is mid-four figures, which compared to the time, energy and money spent trying to follow the mindset, therapy or nutritional pathways to change your base operating state, (plus the expense on your health, relationships and overall quality of life in the meantime), is a total no-brainer. With this program, (as long as you qualify) you will have everything you need to avoid burnout and feel connected and inspired to create a life that you love again.

If you’re interested in this offer, just reach out on the contact form and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit for you.