If you start with that (incorrect) sentiment, everything after that tends to be an apology, avoidance or discount of your lived reality

“I’m not really scared, I’m ok”

“Yes you can have that thing (that makes my belly tightened as I think of giving it away.. my belly really shouldn’t be tightening and I wish it wouldn’t)”

If we start instead with the presumption that your experience is valid, your needs important and your feelings precious and to be treated with honour and tenderness …

There’s no reason to over ride your experience or needs in favour of someone else’s*. No reason to say yes when you mean no, no reason to discount You in favour of someone else.

(*Unless we’re talking about parenting a dependant child)

If we start from that place, everything is an opportunity for honest sharing of your internal world. And when you honestly share your internal world without belittling, or denying it, the world will show you who is to be trusted and who isn’t.

You will naturally move away from the people who disrespect or deny your experience, and naturally move towards those who have space, time and care for you. Because they behave like they love you having boundaries, and that makes for healthy relationship.

Obviously we can surround it with supportive environments and sounds, things that soothe and feel harmonious to that sensitivity … like the feeling of the finest silk, a day in the forest or a beautifully played piece of music.

But we can’t ALWAYS have soft and lovely things around us.

This is where BOUNDARIES and self knowledge comes in.

When you have a highly attuned nervous system, >> you really Wanna get to know your sensitive apparatus! Because, actually, when it’s respected by you and honoured with your actions, rather than being a burden, YOUR SENSITIVITY BECOMES A GIFT FOR YOU AND ALL THOSE AROUND YOU.

Your sensitivity becomes a wisdom voice.

It is able to feel deeper into the energies in a room and speak Truth when others may be avoiding it. It has the ability to Clear space. To bring integrity, because it can’t-not feel stuff!

I want to empower you to LOVE YOUR SENSITIVITY. Because, honey, the world NEEDS IT.

And it needs you knowing your edges and asserting your boundaries.. Not because the world is bad or wrong, but because you work better when your sensitive apparatus isn’t being crowded by others energy and when you have the resources to shine your unique light.

Sometimes we can be stuck under stories held in the body, past traumas, pains unfelt, fear of growing beyond our edges even when the soul is yearning to fly.

I specialize in helping women befriend their nervous system, train their mind to Back them rather than take the rug out from under their thriving, connect deeply with Spirit and cultivate joy and pleasure as a new normal.

LET ME HELP YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR SENSITIVITY AND STEP UP TO LEAD.

Reach me out through the contact form for more details on how I can help you xx

There’s a way to maintain your healthy boundaries around requests and agreements even when you feel torn and uncertain. The keys to this are to start with what you Do know and communicate from that place.

To do this, you want to:

1. Be able to know and name your experience and feelings (even if it’s just to yourself)

2. Be willing to sit in the unknown and let your inner experience be your boundary.

I’ll give you an example.

Say you’re arguing with your ex partner about the care of your child. He wants more time with Timmy during the week and you want to have the whole school week with Timmy so his routine isn’t disrupted. You would also Love to go to a new yoga class on Wednesday nights, but your worry about Timmy’s balance is nagging you. If your boundaries are a bit melty, you might struggle but end up saying ok cause you’re worried your ex will withdraw all child care if he doesn’t get his way (you worry what you lose if you say no). The result of melty boundaries will tend to feel like confusion, focus on the other, anxiety and internal collapse.

If your boundaries are more rigid, you might hear the request and say a strong no, and be unbending as your ex tries to discuss or negotiate. The rigidness stops back and forth dialogue, but it also tends to create less connection (to self and other), less trust, more distance and less easiness in the dynamic for future discussions.

But, if you were to try this method below, you’d hear your ex’s request and pause to check what you feel and think. (If you’ve got a history of melty boundaries, you might not actually know what you think or feel other than squirmy discomfort or worry. This is a good starting place).

Boundaries are what define the difference between you and I. I feel hot, you feel cold. You feel angry, I feel peaceful. These are undeniable things happening within the boundaries of your own experience. So your ex (let’s just call him Fred), cannot argue with your statement that you feel squirmy discomfort or worry, because it’s just what you feel. (Or – he can, but then he would be crossing over into your boundaries). Your boundary does not have to be a clear and concise statement. A boundary can actually be a statement of your thoughts, feelings or sensations.

This is how the conversation might go:

Fred: “I want to have Timmy on Wednesday nights”

You: .. pause… …. “I feel squirmy and a bit worried about that”

Fred: “I’d really like to have more time with Timmy than just weekends” You: (…finding a bit more clarity as you sit with the squirm and worry) “Ah, I’m worried that a change in routine would disrupt his sleep and schooling and make him moody again”

Notice, you haven’t said yes or no yet.

Fred: “But he needs his dad in his life, I want to see him on Wednesdays”

You: “Yeah, I’m just feeling worried about the disruption”

Fred might try to convince you you’re not worried or don’t need to be worried. If you just stick to what you know (“I feel… “, ” I am … ” etc.) this can be your healthy and listening boundary.

You are not putting up a rigid wall, and you are not collapsing to try to make it work. It’s a healthy boundary because you’re not overriding your own experience in order to bring harmony or agreement or an end to the discussion, and you’re not making Fred’s desires wrong.

So, where this conversation can go (because you haven’t prematurely acted) is that solutions could start being offered. Or.. if there’s underlying difficult dynamics with your ex, they may come up to be aired or spoken (with the same “I feel…” “I want…” honesty). Either way, you’re staying available to the moment and honest about your inner needs and experience. In an ideal world, the chat would continue like this:

Fred: “well….. I can pick him up from school and make sure he eats early?”

You: “That feels better…. (pause).. Could we cancel his after school classes on Tuesdays as well so he’s not so tired coming to you?”

Fred: “yes, I’m willing to do that. We can also try for a week or 2 and see how it goes?”

You: “Yes. That feels good”

So, you have a clear agreement, you stood firm in your own feelings and thoughts and needs (even when you weren’t quite clear yet what they were) and you didn’t override yourself. This kind of communication of boundaries even before you know what you want allows for back and forth negotiation, and more importantly, Listening. Notice as well that (in our example) nobody made anyone’s desires or feelings wrong (like “you’re selfish for wanting more time with him… ” or “Stop being so emotional, he’ll be fine” etc). We only do that kind of emotional blame or finger pointing when we’re trying to get the other person to stop feeling, wanting or saying what they’re saying. Which is none of our business (or within our own boundaries).

What IS your business (and thing to stand for) is what goes on within the boundaries of your own skin, heart and mind.

This is an example of how you can have connection and healthy boundaries when you’re feeling torn without collapsing or building a wall. And get your extra yoga class (or night off) at the same time. A win-win.

And this is one of the keys to becoming your own hero/champion and including yourself and your own needs in negotiations about childcare, work and project commitments and all the responsibilities of life.

Because, even though you Can do everything (be the loving mum, the successful biz woman, the considerate ex), life works way better when all of You is included and cared for in the process.

Mastering this process is part of how I help successful women stop taking on too much responsibility. Because it teaches them to listen and be patient as they decode their own inner experience, thoughts and needs, and then express them into the negotiations for what they do with their energy and time.

This is huge in shifting patterns of over-giving and exhausting themselves agreeing to things that end up costing them more energy in the future.

There’s a epidemic of over worked, over-stretched successful women in the world and healthy boundaries, a regulated nervous system and a friendly understanding of the ego drives that push us to over-give and become so exhausted is the pathway out that I offer.

If you need to gain your energy and time back from over-commitments, and want to learn how to have and communicate boundaries in a way that is firm and receptive, I run a wonderful 3.5 month 1:1 intensive to help women do just this.

We help you first to disengage from the worship of busy, to make your life an invitation for rejuvination, receptivity and rest. You get simple and profound tools for building healthy, courageous boundaries and the skilled guidance in uprooting the programmed responses and behaviours that have had you returning to the overworked, exhausted place over and over again.

The 3.5 month 1:1 program is online, with 9 long sessions, up to 4 laser coaching calls/month, online learning modules and unlimited email support. It’s ideal for you if you have done more than a beginners inner work and are committed to using your spot on the earth to create wonderful things (without burning out).

Reach out through the contact form if you’re interested, I’ll ask you a few questions to see if you’re a fit and we could begin within a week.

We work together for 3 months on the following things:

1. Meeting the critical, comparing voice inside that drives you to be so busy (that show up as endless lists of things to do, or criticisms of how you’re doing based on unrealistic standards). You learn how to reduce the amount of power these parts have in your life and invite other parts of you forwards that know how create the healthy balance and self-love you desire.

2. Creating healthy boundaries with your communications and responsibilities. Many women who’ve been in survival mode’s boundaries are non-existent, rigid or collapsed. This step will help you find what you want and need and give you the tools and safety to express this in a firm and clear way that doesn’t cut people or connection out. This step is about empowering you to stay soft and firm as you build a new way of life. We also focus here on giving you clear structures around self-care, work and personal commitments so your phone and emails don’t intrude, and your family commitments support you rather than drain you.

3. Regulating your nervous system to balance your emotional, physical and mental state. Your nervous system is the source of your automatic and repetitive behaviours, so when you learn how to regulate this primal operating system you create foundational flexibility and responsiveness (as opposed to brittle, reactiveness) and reduce the amount that stress and trauma stays in your body and brain. You also build your ability to feel and experience pleasure and rejuvenation. In this step, we address lingering, unprocessed trauma that may have had you stuck in activated and “on” states or shut down and numb so much of the time.

4. And once we have all these elements in place, we complete the program with practices and processes to help you open to receive pleasure and relaxation in new ways, and design your new life from this newly Reset place.

You get 9 x 1.5hr sessions, 9 x 15min laser coaching calls, homeplay practices and unlimited email contact to help you through the process.

In order to qualify for this offer, you must:

1. Be looking for a pivotal change in the way success looks and feels for you (and ideally be looking for mentoring to help you land more fully in your body and out of your head),

2. Have the capacity to feel your feelings, and have done some reasonably consistent mindfulness processes in your life,

3. Deeply value being a positive impact in your world (even if you don’t have energy to be that now).

4. And not be currently suffering from autoimmune conditions (this method is hugely supportive if you do have autoimmune conditions, but it would likely take longer than 3 months to get you the to results).

The investment for this life changing Reset is mid-four figures, which compared to the time, energy and money spent trying to follow the mindset, therapy or nutritional pathways to change your base operating state, (plus the expense on your health, relationships and overall quality of life in the meantime), is a total no-brainer. With this program, (as long as you qualify) you will have everything you need to avoid burnout and feel connected and inspired to create a life that you love again.

If you’re interested in this offer, just reach out on the contact form and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit for you.